I shall Fronsche kees heem...

...and squeeze heem and lof heem and call heem George* Jeannot.

...and he shall like eet!



How can I resist??

* click this link 4 explanashun

Video taken by moi in July, 2009

Terry on turtles

=^..^=

"[A tortoise] has about as good a turn of speed as you need to hunt down a lettuce. It has survived while the rest of evolution flowed past it by being, on the whole, no threat to anyone and too much trouble to eat."

"You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look."

X-treme close-up on meaningful look: I SHALL KEEEL YOU, INFIDEL!

Quotes from Terry Pratchett.
Pics by me, May 2009

There's nothing half-arsed about pines in this country!

=^..^=

No, sir-ee Bob!

Unlike many other things in New Zealand that give the impression someone stopped working on them half way through, pines take it all the way here. I swear some of them look like they're doing steroids.
I have a thing for trees so I'll blog some more on native trees in the future.

Pining for Winter in Waitakere

That's a huge bitch tree!

Pines in stormy AND clear skies - hey, it's New Zealand!

Talk about a sore melon if this hits you on its way down.

Should there be a legal limit to the size of the pine needle
one's allowed to use to threaten his or her mirror reflection? Erm... nevermind...

Pics taken by moi in April, June and July, 2009

Beavers don't get enough worldwide coverage

.
Haha, good advertising :)



The latest beaver ad playing on TV over here:

What a douche.

=^..^=

This asshole peacock is trying to steal everybody else's thunder (click to enlarge):







Sheesh, talk about being an attention whore.

Pics taken by moi in May, 2009

Skyfish

=^..^=



Pic taken and messed with by moi, May 2009

Moral corruption in Auckland ZOO

Consider this pic for a moment.



I think it's safe to say kangaroos have no sense of decency whatsoever. Where do they think they are, in Europe?
There are innocent children visiting this ZOO, people!

In case you are not convinced the roos are corrupting our young, here's an extreme close-up:


Does anyone else feel this roo is a bit too... casual and relaxed on the job?


Now, this shady mofo wins the prize hands down. I don't even wanna start guessing what's going on there.

I hope I have given you food for thought. Be careful in choosing the right ZOO for your next visit, and go through every picture you take in detail.
And just in case there's someone out there who thinks I am being waaay to harsh on the animals in my blogs, here's my answer to you:



Pic taken by moi in May, 2009

Brüno

=^..^=

I was raised in a secluded rural part of Carinthia.
I played with sticks, stones and snails.
I kept the most unusual pets and I continue the tradition.

Meet Brüno, my pet slug I saved from certain death while washing lettuce.
I'll try to find him a girlfriend at the greengrocers' tomorrow.


Click photo to view larger

Pics taken by moi, July 2009

Reflections on life

Yeah right... like I could be that serious for more than 2 seconds that it takes to write the title.

What's up with these pink gits anyway, why do they bother standing on one leg in AUCKLAND, NEW-FRIGGIN'-ZEALAND, it's not like it's cold or anything?? Huh? Looking all zen and.. and pink. And what kind of a gay ass* colour is that for an animal their size? I mean, it's not like they can say "Heeeeeeey, we know it LOOKS weird, but dood we just wanted to blend in with the environment... you know... pass the bong kthnxs... so we don't get eaten or anything..." Yeah, right... maybe on Venus! Wrong planet, assholes! Drop whatever it is that you're smoking and stand on two feet, just like god intended!!!


*Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Pic taken by moi in May, 2009

You think you know how to open a banana, huh...

IMHO...

... you should steer your chihuahua away from the Pedigree Pal, buddy.

Pic taken by moi in May, 2009

A Window to New Zealand Soul

Click to enlarge.






Pics taken by moi, July 2009

I'm many things...

...but "morning person" isn't one of them.



These two feathery assholes don't seem to understand that making noises under people's windows isn't very nice. It's like hearing two annoying alarm clocks without the snooze button.

Oh, snooze. I *heart* snooze. The person coming up with that one deserves a Nobel prize for something.

XD

Pic taken by JS in June, 2009, while I was complaining in bed

Asphalt.

Click on photo to view larger.

Yup.
Asphalt.

Cos I know what you are thinking. How come nobody blogs about asphalt?! Asphalt is a severely underestimated subject. The world needs more blogs about asphalt.



My husband and asphalt.

Anyhoo, here's how they make asphalt in this country:

-pick a fairly even strip of land
- spill some tar on it
- throw gravel and rocks on tar
- let people drive over it
- oh, and just to avoid taking any responsibility, put up a sign telling unsuspecting drivers their windscreens are most likely getting smashed by other people using said tar/gravel road simultaneously.


The only pair of non-white sports shoesies I found in NZ compared to asphalt.

In defense of Kiwis, the roads can be super cheap because there's no real winter.

Maybe you don't have to buy winter tires, but I don't expect summer tires to last long either. Owchie on the wallet?


The dog is obviously worried about the tires. He's also upset cos it's hard to listen to music when all you hear is asphalt grinding against your tires. AND he wishes Kiwis didn't spend so much money on personalized license plates cos most of them are plain dumb. Poor doggie.

To be continued...

All pictures taken by moi in April, June and July 2009

Pukeko

Poo ke ko.

The New Zealand Pūkeko (pron. POO ke ko) is a rather ugly swamp hen that nevertheless captured my imagination long before I came to New Zealand, mostly due to its pivotal role in the legend of the Kiwi losing its wings . In this story, Pukeko is presented as an egocentric douche. According to Wiki, these birds are known for their bold scheming and determination. In times past they raided gardens for food, they steal each other's eggs and the Maori compare stubborn, annoying people to Pukeko. According to the recipe* I read online, they don't even taste good.


They walk on stilts and taste like yo mama's roast.

New Zealand has a lot of gang related problems, Pukeko gangs being the most numerous.
They are known for their appaling road side behaviour. During a ten minute drive, you will most likely encounter at least three gangs foraging for food and grit near the road and the ditches.


Pukeko gang terrorizing unsuspecting drivers.

According to this TV advertisement, they will also nick anything and everything that isn't nailed down.

Sheesh. Seriously, Pukeko, if I were you, I'd start working on my PR a little.

In these pictures, you can see a gang trying to blend in with the peace-loving, law-abiding group of cows. They are pretending they're doing normal stuff, like grazing.




Grazing my buttock, I KNOW you're dealing P, bitches!!

Most of the time they will come right to your home, sometimes even on the balcony.


Yeah, just what I wanna see when I get up :S

They are extremely hard to spot, so be careful to shake out your shoes before you put them on and check/poke under the blanket before you sleep.


Where's Pookeko?

As can be seen in this video, they are born with adult size feet. Don't let the cute fluffy top confuse you, they will use those legs and clawed feet to hold you hostage while they empty the contents of your purse. I've seen it happen many times.**



*Add a stone in the pot with the Pukeko, cook for several hours, throw away the Pukeko and eat the stone
** not really

All pictures taken by moi in April, June and July 2009